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QUICKBEAM'S OUT ON A LIMB:
Very, Very, Very Impatient

Language Warning. The article you are about to read may contain harsh language that you would otherwise not see on this G-rated website. Be prepared for the language to hit PG-13 territory.

Most of the time I am a rational man. Not the type to freak out or cave under pressure, I am pretty much low-maintenance. This is saying a lot for someone who lives and works in the craziness that is Los Angeles. But - and I am being quite honest here - I can take anything Hollywood dishes out with a wink and a soft smile.

No drama here. No sir.

I am confident, too, that I write articles for Green Books with just such a rational, careful approach. Of course I have to be thoughtful and thorough when writing about Tolkien. If I were not so rational as a writer, then I would end up getting dangerously close to hasty. And we all know there's trouble down that road.

But now.... now I feel something coming over me. Well.... this has been building up for a long time.... This "cool and patient" attitude is.... how shall I say.... starting to crack. For so long I have kept quiet. Kept very quiet. Been very patient. Now it has come to a head.... I cannot hold back what I really feel.... I have to vent.

Excuse me while I temporarily lose touch with reality.

Must.... vent....

* * * * * * * * * * * *

I wanna see it NOW!

I WANNA SEE THE TWO TOWERS RIGHT NOW, DAMNIT!!

Please, please, I beg you please!

* Quickbeam gets down on his knees *

It has been ten....

....COUNT 'EM!!!!

....ten whole months and I CAN'T WAIT ANY LONGER!

Aaaaaaaaarrrrgh!

WHY DO YOU T O R T U R E ME SO?

I have been so patient.

So patient.

but now.... I cannot contain myself....

* Quickbeam starts to cry *

-- SOB! --

-- SNORT! --

What do I have to do?!

Just tell me....!

Whose toes do I have to suck??

I WANT MY TTT RIGHT NOW!!

* Quickbeam pulls his leaves out of his head *

....frightened neighbors start calling the police, thinking something upstairs has exploded....

I SEE IMAGES EVERYWHERE!

I have seen the trailers so many FREAKIN' times....

MY HEAD IS GOING TO BURST!!!!

I saw the marching Uruks!

.... I saw the fire in Éowyn's eyes!!

GASP!

I saw TREEBEARD picking Merry up!!!!!

Don't make me wait any longer!

Aaaaaaaaarrrrgh!

If I don't get to see it right now....

-- CHOKE --

** gasp **

....I swear I'll go completely

MAD!!!!!!!

. . . m a d I t e l l y a . . .

Damn you, New Line!

DAMN YOU!!!!

DAMN YOU for making us all wait!!!!

WWWAAAAAAA!

* Quickbeam grasps blindly at the sky *

I'm freaking out I'm freaking out I'm freaking out I'm freaking out I'm freaking out I'm freaking out I'm freaking out I'm freaking out I'm freaking out I'm freaking out I'm freaking out I'm freaking out I'm freaking out I'm freaking out I'm freaking out

** gasp **

and then we have to wait AGAIN....

.... all us poor fans waiting a whole YEAR LONGER to see the Goddamn RETURN OF THE Goddamn KING!!!!????

another whole year

-- CRACK --

* Quickbeam's bark now begins to split *

oh great and wonderful P.J.

.... if you can hear the prayers of your fans ....

WE

BESEECH

YOU!!!

Please hurry with your movies....

Please hurry . . . .

Please hurry . . . .

Please hurry . . . .

p l e a s e h u r r y . . . .

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Ahem.

Okay. Thank you for indulging me. I feel better now. As if a heavy weight has been lifted from my branches. A little primal scream therapy is a good thing. My head is clearer. My angst has been cleansed.

We now return to your regularly scheduled cool and rational Green Books writer.

Much too hasty,
Quickbeam

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Past Limbs
An Open Letter to the Screen Actors Guild
02/24/04
Review: The Return of the King
12/01/03
Kingly Proof
10/30/03
For the Love of Arwen
09/15/03
The Atlantis Connection
08/31/03
Noble Is As Noble Does
07/31/03
Send in the Penguins
06/15/03
War! What is it Good For?
05/01/03
In Defense of Philippa Boyens
01/02/03
Movie Review - The Two Towers
12/18/02
The Final Word
11/01/02
Very, Very, Very Impatient
10/01/02
Book Review: The Annotated Hobbit
09/01/02
Finding a Hobbit’s Voice
08/01/02
Conversation with a Newbie
06/01/02
Inside Information
05/01/02
The Silver Lining
04/01/02
Movie Review - Fellowship of the Ring
12/10/01
Where the Stars are Strange: Part V
11/30/01
Where the Stars are Strange: Part IV
11/29/01
Where the Stars are Strange: Part III
11/28/01
Where the Stars are Strange: Part II
11/27/01
Where the Stars are Strange: Part I
11/26/01
The Spectacular Cannes Footage
09/01/01
Comic-Con International 2001
08/01/01
An Open Letter to Jeffrey Wells
04/25/01
The Shadow of Racism
04/01/01
All About Sam
03/01/01
The Game’s the Thing!
02/01/01
Who’s Spiking Who?
10/01/00
The 2000 Vote: Gandalf or Saruman?
09/01/00
Tolkien’s Greatest Hits
08/01/00
Return to The Furthest Reaches
07/01/00
The Furthest Reaches
06/01/00
True Fans, Truly Obsessed
04/01/00
"Yes, Elanor, there really is a Gandalf"
12/20/99
…And In the Closet Bind Them
10/26/99
Welcome to Merchandising Hell
09/12/99
In Defense of Escapism
08/22/99
Out on a Limb Home

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