Language Warning. The article you are about to read may contain harsh language that you would otherwise not see on this G-rated website. Be prepared for the language to hit PG-13 territory.

Most of the time I am a rational man. Not the type to freak out or cave under pressure, I am pretty much low-maintenance. This is saying a lot for someone who lives and works in the craziness that is Los Angeles. But - and I am being quite honest here - I can take anything Hollywood dishes out with a wink and a soft smile.

No drama here. No sir.

I am confident, too, that I write articles for Green Books with just such a rational, careful approach. Of course I have to be thoughtful and thorough when writing about Tolkien. If I were not so rational as a writer, then I would end up getting dangerously close to hasty. And we all know there's trouble down that road.

But now.... now I feel something coming over me. Well.... this has been building up for a long time.... This "cool and patient" attitude is.... how shall I say.... starting to crack. For so long I have kept quiet. Kept very quiet. Been very patient. Now it has come to a head.... I cannot hold back what I really feel.... I have to vent.

Excuse me while I temporarily lose touch with reality.

Must.... vent....

* * * * * * * * * * * *

I wanna see it NOW!

I WANNA SEE THE TWO TOWERS RIGHT NOW, DAMNIT!!

Please, please, I beg you please!

* Quickbeam gets down on his knees *

It has been ten....

....COUNT 'EM!!!!

....ten whole months and I CAN'T WAIT ANY LONGER!

Aaaaaaaaarrrrgh!

WHY DO YOU T O R T U R E ME SO?

I have been so patient.

So patient.

but now.... I cannot contain myself....

* Quickbeam starts to cry *

-- SOB! --

-- SNORT! --

What do I have to do?!

Just tell me....!

Whose toes do I have to suck??

I WANT MY TTT RIGHT NOW!!

* Quickbeam pulls his leaves out of his head *

....frightened neighbors start calling the police, thinking something upstairs has exploded....

I SEE IMAGES EVERYWHERE!

MY HEAD IS GOING TO BURST!!!!

I saw the marching Uruks!

I saw TREEBEARD picking Merry up!!!!!

Don't make me wait any longer!

Aaaaaaaaarrrrgh!

If I don't get to see it right now....

....I swear I'll go completely

MAD!!!!!!!

. . . m a d I t e l l y a . . .

Damn you, New Line!

DAMN YOU!!!!

DAMN YOU for making us all wait!!!!

WWWAAAAAAA!

* Quickbeam grasps blindly at the sky *

I'm freaking out I'm freaking out I'm freaking out I'm freaking out I'm freaking out I'm freaking out I'm freaking out I'm freaking out I'm freaking out I'm freaking out I'm freaking out I'm freaking out I'm freaking out I'm freaking out I'm freaking out

** gasp **

and then we have to wait AGAIN....

.... all us poor fans waiting a whole YEAR LONGER to see the Goddamn RETURN OF THE Goddamn KING!!!!????

another whole year

-- CRACK --

* Quickbeam's bark now begins to split *

oh great and wonderful P.J.

.... if you can hear the prayers of your fans ....

WE

BESEECH

YOU!!!

Please hurry with your movies....

p l e a s e h u r r y . . . .

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Ahem.

Okay. Thank you for indulging me. I feel better now. As if a heavy weight has been lifted from my branches. A little primal scream therapy is a good thing. My head is clearer. My angst has been cleansed.

We now return to your regularly scheduled cool and rational Green Books writer.

Much too hasty,
Quickbeam