MOON LETTERS : TOOKISH TICKLERS
Elrond and Judge Judy - by Kimi
Scene: Council Room at Rivendell. We hear Elrond's abridged account of the final battle of the Last Alliance. Judge Judy sums up:
"So, Mr. Half-Elven, you were there when this [glances down at notes] Iss-ill-door took the Ring?"
Elrond: "Ah, yes."
JJ: "And why didn't you make him dispose of the thing?"
Elrond: "Well, we told him to, but he just wouldn't. You see, he-"
JJ: "Don't interrupt. And this young man was your nephew?"
Elrond: "Well, kind of. Great-great-"
JJ: "So you were in authority over him, once his father was deceased."
Elrond [looking startled]: "Um, I suppose you could say that."
JJ: "So it seems to me that it's up to you, Mr. Half-Elven, to sort out the mess you left all those years ago."
Elrond: "Me? I couldn't do that!"
JJ: "And why not? Who were you going to send?"
Elrond: "Um, I thought those halflings might
" [trails off under Judge Judy's baleful glare]
JJ: "Uh huh. Well, I'm telling you, Mr. Half-Elven, that you're going to leave this chamber, get straight on a horse, get your butt down to Mordor and throw that piece of junk jewelry back where it belongs. [Elrond tries to protest again; she silences him with a raised hand.] Shh! If you'd done things properly in the first place, we'd all have been saved a lot of bother."
[Elrond slinks miserably from the chamber.]
JJ, brightly: "Now, while I'm here, let's get something else sorted out. I'm a marriage celebrant, too. Step right up here, Aragorn and Arwen!"