MOON LETTERS : TOOKISH TICKLERS
Fake News Report - by Prankster
The "Lord of the Rings movies are coming. But you say you know nothing about the epic trilogy? Access to Entertainment Hourly gives you everything you need to know.
By Marla Fumpf
Holy Smokes! The internet sure is a big deal these days, and some people say that it may soon be a factor in determining what movies people go to. Well, the future is now--for the first time, a company has decided to make the trailer for an upcoming movie available on the internet! The movie? The upcoming "Lord of the Rings", a more-expensive-than-Titanic undertaking that will clock in at over 6 hours on completion. Take THAT, James Cameron!
Despite the huge risk involved with such an undertaking (will even the most rabid fans of the book want to sit in a theater for 6 hours?) there certainly has been a lot of enthusiasm. People have been lining up to "download" the ad, which showcases the latest in computer effects (or "CGI") in service of the epic story, which bears a suspicious similarity to Star Wars.
There's no doubt that this movie is going to be big. But for the majority who've never heard of the book, and can't afford to spend a year reading it, ATEH offers this handy primer. In five minutes, you can be talking like a born fantasy fan.
What is "Lord of the Rings?" It is a best-selling fantasy novel, recently chosen by a British institute as the greatest book of the new millennium. Written some years ago by J. R. TOLKEN, it was published in three parts: THE HOBBIT, THE SILMARILLION and THE WAR OF THE RING. Though it flopped on its initial release, the book became a cult success, bolstered along by such fans as LED ZEPPELIN.
The book depicts an alien world where furry creatures called HOBBITS do continual battle over the so-called "rings of power". When one hobbit, BILBO BAGGINS, creates a ring powerful enough to control the rest, the fate of the world (called NARNIA) is at stake. But Bilbo's son FRODO, together with the wizard MERLIN, steal the ring and attempt to destroy it by throwing it into a volcano.
The world of Narnia is filled with many strange, inhuman creatures, including DWARVES and PIXIES, which will be rendered using the latest computer technology. The internet trailers already feature hordes of ORKS, lovable creatures who shout "Nanu! Nanu!" and will be voiced by Robin Williams.
The movie stars LIV TYLER, in a bold choice, as the heroic Frodo who must journey with his lover HAMFAST into the heart of a dark realm. Academy-Award(tm) winner IAN MCKELLEN will also star as the villainous MAGNETO, master of magnetism. Rounding out the cast are the Academy-Award(tm) winning CATE BLANCHETT (ELIZABETH) as the Goddess ARWEN, Academy-Award(tm) winner CHRISTOPHER LEE (SLEEPY HOLLOW) as the wizard Merlin, and Academy-Award(tm) winner STUART TOWNSEND (PSYCHO 98) as ARAGORN, the heroic leader of the hobbits.
The movie is currently being filmed in New Zealand for release later this year. Director PETER JACKSON (who helmed the 1975 version of King Kong and the Academy-award(tm) winning THE FRIGHTENERS) is keeping a hush-hush level of secrecy on the set; the title of the film is not even known yet. Given the fact that Jackson has never directed a hit, he's obviously a little anxious at directing a movie with more effects than The Phantom Menace. Already there's been a setback; KEANU REEVES was set to play Aragorn but backed out after a week of filming.
The books will probably be reprinted before the movie is released later this year; in a bold move, New Line plans to re-release the movie at the same time next year and then again the year after that. Expect a heap of tie-in merchandise, including hobbit action figures and the Hostess potato chips "Lord of the Ringolos" contest.