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The Beauty Salon Gathering - Pippin Took

Written by Ethian, daughter of Theodred

This story takes place in a beauty salon, after the War of the Ring. Gollum (who has changed his name to Emily, to fit his surroundings), is the only beautician on duty.

Gollum (whom we shall now remember as Emily): Ugh, I just HAVE to be the only one on duty today…Brenda just HAD to get married TODAY! Oh well…. There's nobody here yet…
Saruman walks in.
Saruman: I need to get my freakishly long nails done… Dude! Aren't you supposed to be dead?
Emily: Yeah, but I got tired of being dead so I came here…*rolls his eyes*
Legolas walks in.
Legolas: *talking to himself* You know what? I think I'll get a perm… NOT! Heh, not on my precious silky hair!
Saruman: I hate Elves
Emily: Me too
Legolas: Stop, or I'll stare at you!
Saruman: *mockingly* Ooh, I'm sooo scared
Legolas: *Stares*
Saruman: Okay, you can stop that now.
Legolas: *Stares*
Frodo walks in.
Frodo: Awww…. Leave the old dude alone, Legolas.
Legolas: *finally stops staring*
Saruman: What are you doing here?
Frodo: What? You think this curly hair is natural?
Sam walks in, panting for breath.
Frodo: Dang it! I thought I lost you.
Sam: *cries* I didn't mean to be a bother, Mr. Frodo, if you follow me…*cries again*
Saruman, Emily, Frodo, Legolas: Oh shut up, Sam!
Pippin walks in.
Pippin: *with a thick, Scottish accent* What's going on?
Gandalf walks in.
Gandalf: Fool of a Took! Wait… What is going on?
Legolas: *waving his arms everywhere, starting to panic* Oh my gosh! OH MY GOSH! OH MY FREAKIN GOSH!!!!!!!!! AUGH!!!!!!!!!
Everybody: What?!
Legolas: *looking in a mirror* I HAVE A SPOT ON MY NOSE!!!! AUGH!!!
Merry walks in, having heard the commotion.
Merry: Here, Legsi, come here and I'll get it off.
Legolas walks over to Merry and bends over so that Merry can reach his face.
Merry then produces a fistful of dirt from his pocket and smears it ALL OVER his face AND his precious hair!
Merry: *snickers* There, that should help.
Legolas: *thinking Merry had rubbed an ointment or facial cream on him, looks into the mirror again* AUGH!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE YOU LITTLE SHRIMP!
I'LL GET YOU IF IT'S THE FIRST THING I DO!!! *runs crying into the bathroom*
Everybody bursts out laughing.
Sam: *scoldingly* Now, that wasn't very nice, Mr. Merry
Everybody: Shut up, Sam!
Aragorn walks in.
Aragorn: I'm the King! Everybody bow to me!
Everybody bursts out laughing again.
Aragorn, hurt by their laughter, sits down
Aragorn: *mumbling* Well, at least Legolas bows…. *then says louder* Say, where is old Legsi, anyway?
Legolas then walks out of the bathroom with his face and hair all clean, except for than dang spot.
Legolas: Hello, Friend! *he puts emphasis on the word 'Friend' as he looks scornfully at the others*
Aragorn bursts out laughing, then between laughs, says: Legolas… You… have a … a spot… on your nose!!! Hahahaha
Legolas: *starts crying again*
Gimli walks in.
Gimli: *with his gruff, dwarvish voice* Eh, hello Everybody! Legolas, you seem to have a spot on your nose!
Legolas: *glares*
Shadowfax walks in.
Shadowfax: Gandalf, you fool of a Wizard! You were supposed to meet me in Edoras a minute ago! Where have you been?
Gandalf: Oh, was that today? You don't say…
Shadowfax: *glares at Gandalf, then turns and sees Legolas* He Elf, there's a spot on your nose.
Legolas: Yeah… Well… You smell horrible!
Sam: Now children, don't go quarreling now.
Everybody: Shut up, Sam! It's just starting to get interesting!
Boromir walks in, practicing his lines.
Boromir: My Captain, My King! No, no… That's not right… *then dramatically* My Captain, My King!
Saruman: Ok, I know you're supposed to be dead.
Boromir: Oh, am I?
Pippin: No, they're wrong, you're alive.
Everybody: Fool of a Took!
Arwen walks in.
Arwen: *with a sickly sweet voice* Oh Hubby Dearest! Aragorn, won't you come home and show me some more of your manly sword fighting moves?
Everybody stares at Aragorn, who is blushing bright red by now.
Arwen: Oh, and I need a ride home.
Shadowfax: I'll give you a ride *winks at Gandalf*
Gandalf: *snickers*
Aragorn: Hey, wait a second…
Arwen and Shadowfax leave.
Legolas: Jest a reminder, I DON'T like the name 'Legsi'.
Saruman: But it fits you so well, Legsi.
Merry: Ya know what? I think we should rename him 'Spotsy'.
Everybody: Yeah! *then they all start laughing again, except for 'Spotsy', who is now crying again*
Arwen and Shadowfax return.
Arwen: I forgot to say, Legsi, you've got a spot on your nose! So now I'm prettier than you!
Legolas: NOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Arwen and Shadowfax depart once again.
Anakin Skywalker walks in.
Anakin: Dudes! I need a haircut!
Everybody stares blankly at him.
Anakin: *looking at Gandalf* Dude! Aren't you that really freaky old guy I'm supposed to beat up?
Gandalf: *glares*
Eowyn walks in.
Eowyn: *looking at Anakin* Hey Handsome! Can you ride a horse?
Anakin: *looks blankly at her* Save it honey, I've got a queen.
Aragorn: Hey! Me too!
Anakin: What's a horse?
Pippin: Who are you?
Elrond walks in.
Elrond: I'm looking for Mr. Anderson, no wait, Mr. Baggins…
Anakin: Dude, who are you?
Elrond: I'm Agent Smith, no wait, Lord Elrond… Which movie am I in again?
Eowyn: Who are you? I haven't met you…
*POOF!* Galadriel appears in the middle of the room.
Anakin, Eowyn, Elrond, Galadriel: *just noticing poor Legsi in the corner* Hey, you've got a spot on your nose!
Legolas: *looking at Galadriel* Sweet Lady of the Wood, couldn't you get rid of this horrible spot?
Galadriel: Why should I rid the humor of all?
Everybody cracks up again.
Emily: Hey Gally, are ya here for your weekly facelift and makeover?
*POOF!* She leaves without answering.
The guy from “A Beautiful Mind” runs in.
Guy: Can you guys hide me? I'm being attacked by actors from Lord of the Rings!
Everybody except Anakin starts beating him up.
Guy: *runs out* AUGH!!!!
Orlando Bloom runs in.
Orli: Help! I think I have a spot on my nose!
Legolas: *stands up and stares at Orli*
Orli: *sees Legolas and stares back*
Frodo: Oh, kewl, that's totally freaky.
Legolas and Orli, realizing that they both have spots on their noses, go and cry in a corner together.
Eomer and King Theoden enter.
Thedoen: *in a wannabe voice*Wuss up, dudes!
Emily: Oh don't even try it. You're old and you know it!
Sam: Now that's not….*then he sees a look from Everybody* I know, I know 'Shut up, Sam'.
Tom Bombadil comes in singing one of his songs, but stops when he sees Everybody.
Merry: Wuss up dude!
Tom: Not much, just comin here to kick it wit my fellas.
Theoden: What? I was better than that? *gets a look from Everybody* Ok, ok, maybe not.
Glorfindel walks in.
Eowyn, Eomer, Theoden: Who are you?
Glorfindel: You wouldn't know, would you? I NEVER get the credit I deserve… argh…
Ethian walks in.
Everybody: Who in the world are you?
Ethian: Obviously, I'm me.
Everybody: duh! But who are you?
Ethian: I'm me.
Everybody: Whatever…
CrystalEye the horse walks in.
Everybody: Who are you?
CrystalEye: Whoops, wrong place, where's the stables?
Pippin: *pointing toward the bathroom* Over there.
Emily: Hey!
Pippin: What?
Frodo: Look, a Nazgul!!!
Everybody: WHERE?!
Frodo: Not really, I just haven't said anything in a while…
Aragorn: Nobody's bowed to me yet.
Gimli: Get a life.
Sam: Be nice
Everybody: Shut up, Sam!
Eowyn: I need a boyfriend.
Faramir walks in.
Eowyn: You'll do!
Faramir: Huh?
Faramir, Eomer, Theoden, Ethian, CrystalEye, Glorfindel, and Tom: Hey Legsi, you've got a spot on your nose!!! Wait, there's two Legsi's!
Merry: Wait! One of 'em's Spotsy!
Everybody laughs hysterically for a while.
The cast of Star Trek walks in.
Anakin: Hey, fellow kin, let us defeat this enemy while we are many!
Everybody: Huh?
Anakin: I don't know, I'm just getting sick of ya'll.
Star Trek ppl: Brother, let us leave these strange folk and their ways behind.
Anakin: Okey-doke!
Star Trek ppl: Hey Fairy-Guy, oh, and you too, ya'll have spots on your noses! Hahaha
Star Trek Cast and Anakin leave.
Denethor walks in.
Denethor: Boromir! Did you break the palantir? I have warned you over and over again not to play with it!
Boromir runs to Emily(who, as you will remember, is Gollum).
Boromir: Is there another way outta here?
Emily: Yeah, in the back.
Boromir runs as fast as he can out the back door.
Denethor: *talking to Emily* Where'd those boys go?
Emily: *pointing to the front door* That way.
Denethor walks out the front door and leaves.
Denethor walks back in: By the way, Legolas, you and your friend have spots on your noses.
Denethor leaves again.
Orli: I think I'll leave before anyone else sees me.
Orli leaves.
Queen Amidalla walks in.
Amidalla: Where is Anakin? I thought he was here getting a haircut…
Merry: *sees how pretty she is* Umm… I think he's in the back, my lady, won't you follow me to find him?
Frodo: Oh no you don't…. *then speaking to Amidalla* he left with some freaky guys talking about a galaxy far, far away or something…
Amidalla: Oh not again… thanks anyway… oh, Elf, you have a spot on your nose.
Queen Amidalla leaves.
CrystalEye walks out of the bathroom.
CrystalEye: Ummm…. Nobody go in there, okay?
Everybody: EWWW!!!
Ethian: We better get out of here before they do… Let's go CrystalEye!
Ethian rides CrystalEye out of the Salon.
Eomer and Theoden try to pry Eowyn away from Faramir, who is getting freaked out.
Faramir: Augh! Get her off me! Get her off me!
Eowyn: But you love me! You've GOT TO LOVE ME! Mwa ha ha…
Eomer: Come on, Sis, let's go home…
Theoden: Haldir will be there.
Eowyn: Oooohhhh!!! *immediately lets go of Faramir and runs out the door*
As soon as Eowyn gets off him, Faramir runs out the back door.
Eomer and Theoden leave.
Meanwhile, Gimli has fallen asleep on a waiting chair.
Pippin: Check it out! Gimli's asleep!
Merry: Hehe, lets get some scissors and have some fun…
Sam: Oh no you don't!
This time, only Merry tells Sam to shut up.
Saruman: Listen to him! HAHAHAHA
Gimli: *mumbling in his sleep* Thank you, *sob*, I'd like to thank the academy and all my friends for this award… *sniff*
Everybody roars with laughter!
Gimli awakes, realized he must have been sleep-talking, and stands up.
Gimli: Shut up! Whatever I said, it must have been important! So remember and shut up!
Legolas: *thinks to himself* Well, at least the attention's off me for a while.
Gimli: But look at Legsi, he's got a worse problem than me!
Legolas: *glares*
Everybody agrees.
Then they all start laughing again!
Saruman: Well, now that my nails are done, I'll go and create some havoc somewhere… Mwa ha ha….
Emily: First of all, work on your evil laugh.
Saruman: *glares at Emily* Bu-bye!
Saruman leaves with long, bright pink nails.
Frodo: I need to go home, before old Bilbo finds out I've left again. He freaks out at the slightest thing. *then with a smile* Course when he hears about Legsi, he'll forget about everything else! Hahahaha…
Legolas: *still glaring*
Frodo leaves laughing.
Sam immediately follows.
For the next five minutes, they hear several 'shut up, Sam!'s and some crying. Then they can't hear anymore. They crack up again.
Gandalf: I'd better go, since Shadowfax is still mad at me.
Shadowfax had been glaring at Gandalf the WHOLE time, and was now starting to stomp his hooves on the floor.
Gandalf: Good luck with the spot, Legsi! Hahahaha…
Gandalf rides Shadowfax out as quick as lightning.
Aragorn: Well, since I AM THE KING, I have KINGLY duties to do at home…
Merry: Yeah, *imitating Arwen's voice* like showing some more of your manly sword fighting moves…
EVERYBODY laughs as hard as possible.
Aragorn leaves in a huff.
Pippin: I'd better go, Farmer Maggots mushrooms are ripe about now…I think. Have fun with your new friend, Legsi! *referring to the spot*
Legolas: *yes, he's still glaring*
Pippin leaves.
Gimli: Well, I guess I'll leave, good luck, Legsi! NOT! Hahahaha
Legolas: *guess what? He's still glaring*
Gimli exits after hitting closed door while laughing at Legolas, making Legolas STOP glaring and start laughing.
Glorfindel and Tom Bombadil: Hidey-Ho, I guess we'll go!
They laugh together as if they had just made some joke, but stop when they realize that Everybody is not laughing with them.
Glorfindel and Tom leave.
Elrond leaves after a few dry jokes about Legolas.
Merry: Well, Spotsy, I hate to leave ya so soon-
Legolas: That's definitely all right!
Merry: But I'll come see ya in a few days, don't worry! *starts laughing*
Legolas: *starts glaring again*
Merry leaves.
Legsi/Legolas/Spotsy: Fine then, I'm leaving!
Emily, now the only one left, cracks up before saying goodbye.
Emily: Well! Alone at last! They are so annoying… Oh no!
Thirteen dwarves pop in the door(this is almost closing time, I should say) and demand hair and beard trims.
Emily: Well, a long day at the beauty parlor. I should remember today as 'The Beauty Salon Gathering'. Heh, I think I will.


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