MOON LETTERS : TOOKISH TICKLERS
If LotR Took Place in the Produce Aisle - Beth & Claire
Dutifully typed by Claire since Beth's internet keeps freezing up, but with much conversing between the two of us over AIM.
We won't take the time to explain how this all originated since it involves Kathleen riding a camel, so here's the main point.
What if Peter Jackson (a kiwi because he's from New Zealand) cast fruits and vegetables instead of human actors to play the roles in LOTR? Here's what we figured out.
Frodo: kiwi. Short and furry, need we say more? There's one difference about this kiwi. It bears a special, evil sticker that makes you invisible which must be destroyed.
Sam: also a kiwi for the same reasons but with no sticker.
Merry: kiwi again
Pippin: kiwi (didn't see that one coming did ya?)
Aragorn: potato. Rustic. Not from Ireland or Idaho, but who cares? He's a Danish
Gandalf: pineapple. No seriously. He's got the big hat like a pineapple!
Legolas: banana. He's tall, thin, and blonde (ok, so bananas are yellow, not blonde, but it fits). Good source of potassium.
Gimli: tomato. Short, red, has many seeds. Constantly argues with bananas (come on,
tomatoes and bananas fight all the time!).
Boromir: eggplant. Someone had to be an eggplant.
Elrond: apple. Doesn't he seem apple-like to you?
Arwen: star fruit. She's the Evenstar. Get it?
Galadriel: orange. Her name means of the dawn and you drink orange juice in the
morning (well, I don't, but you might).
Celeborn: celery. They sound the same! And both are rich in fiber.
Saruman: cauliflower. He's white. That's all we could think of.
Orcs: onions. They smell bad and make people cry (in no way connected to ogres,
though. Random Shrek reference).
Sauron: durian. Spiky (did you see those gloves?), smells like rotting meat (I'll bet he
did), and you can't take him on an airplane (it's true, I asked).
Bombadil: catnip. He's obviously high!
Goldberry: cranberry. GoldBERRY and cranberry. And she's a Riverdaughter.
Nazgul: meddlers (in case you don't know, they're not really sold anymore but they were
little apples that you didn't eat until they were almost rotten. Pleasant.). They
were once perfectly good apples (kings) and then went rotten.
Balrog: jack-o-lantern. Big and scary (at least to us).
Eomer: blackberry. 'Cause he is.
Eowyn: raspberry. 'Cause she is.
Faramir: guess he's an eggplant too since Boromir was.