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If LotR were filmed by David Lynch - TORn Messageboard Regulars

Frodo would be played by Kyle MacLachlan (is there a DL film he's not in????)
Instead of the One Ring, Bilbo would find the One Ear
Sauron wouldn't actually die, and in the end his spirit would posses Frodo.
Sam being the tree-lover he is, would have an old log with him at all times, to ask for advice.
Arwen would have a really high and annoying voice
Instead of Lembas the Elves of Lorien would give them Donuts

--Eowyn

Frodo could make his way to Mount Doom on a lawnmower

--Mushroom

Aragorn would dance slowly with no one and no music would be playing
Boromir would twitch a lot
Overheard in the room next to the honeymoon suite on Aragorn and Arwen's wedding night 'F*** me elf mommy!!!'

--burma

Treebeard would never actually move. He'd just be a tree. He'd never speak, either. There'd just be these long shots of this tree every so often.
The orcs all wear lounge suits and pompadours
The Nazgul sniff ether -- that's why their voices are so weird
And of course, after the Ring goes into fire, Frodo and Sam would tap-dance out of Mordor to Tom Waits music...

--Bullroarer

Saruman is hugely fat and covered in boils
Not only does Bombadil remain in the movie, but he gets an extended, drug-induced vision all to himself
"The crows are not what they seem."
Rivendell = White Lodge, Barad Dur = Black Lodge
All the dwarves dance really slowly and talk backwards a lot
After weeks of detective work, Gandalf finally discovers that the Witch King's real name is "Bob."
Faramir to Denethor, upon discovery of Boromir's body: "He's dead -- wrapped in plastic!"

--Kyriel

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