MOON LETTERS : TOOKISH TICKLERS
Saving Up for that DVD? Make Money Fast! - Unkown author, sent in by Ostadan
I am an Uruk of Mordor, charged with the discovery of a
number of valuable treasures within Moria. It has come to
my notice that the mithril hoard previously owned by Ori of
the land of Moria has been found by one of our cave-trolls.
Under our laws, the hoard will be shared between our lord
Sauron and the local Balrog, but so far neither knows the
extent of the treasure.
Sir, I come to you as a respectful businessperson in order
that we may derive some profit ourselves from this venture,
I would wish that I could arrange for the transfer of half
of the find to yourself, costing roughly 20,000 silver
pennies. From this amount, I will then arrange for a further
such that 25% remains your own, 5% goes for sundry costs
(including hire of strong Rohan horses for use in
transportation), 5% is given in bribe to the cave troll to
ensure the quantity reported to our respective Lords is
adjusted, 65% belongs to myself and my fellow Orcs.
In order that this be accomplished, I ask only that you
provide details of:
Your willingness to participate in this venture
Confirmation that you will not speak of this venture to
anyone else, or wear any magic rings
Your race and land of residence
The location of your local Palantir or identity of your
preferred message-carrying bird or beast
Your given name, and any name you are known by in the
The number of ponies you possess.
I look forward to your returning correspondence, which can
be whispered to any passing magpie. I trust that you will
ensure that no other dark feathered birds come to hear of