2. Before they squash a spider they say something like "Meet your doom, ye foul spawn of Shelob!"

3. They only eat crackers, thinking it's an elvish waybread that will sustain them for days. (Note: You might want to get them to a good psychiatrist if they do this.)

4. They frequently use adjectives like 'elven', 'nasssty', 'precioussss', 'dwarven', or 'hobbitish'.

5. They get a treacherously ravenous look in their eyes if you so much as mention the word 'ring'. (Note: This might be another 'see-a-good-psychiatrist' situation.)

6. Whenever they leave someplace, they start singing 'The road goes ever on and on.' etc.

7. They call their bedroom 'Rivendel', their garden 'Shire', their garage 'Moria', etc.

8. They go to a bar, introduce themselves under a fake name, hop onto a table and sing some catchy little ditty. (Note: Get them to a good psychiatrist, ASAP!!! This could be a severe identity crisis!)

9. If someone ticks them off, they call the person a name like 'Fool of a Took' or 'Nassty hobbitses'.

10. As they pour a glass of water they say "things that were, things that are, and some things that have not yet come to pass".