MOON LETTERS : TOOKISH TICKLERS
Who Killed Boromir? - Draihkon
Who Killed Boromir?
The day Tolkien died, he thought he had done enough in the world to make it into heaven. So he walked up the great flight of stairs and came to the pearly white gates where a guard was standing watch. To Tolkiens surprise, Gollum was guarding the gates. A little confused, Tolkien asked, "Why are you guarding the doors?"
Gollum looked up with his big eyes and said, "This is Smeagols punishment, yes, for killing Smeagols brother. Every guard has punishment, yes, Preciousss, we know, yess..."
"So does that mean Im allowed in?"
"No," says Gollum, "You must answer question. Answer true and you go. Answer wrong and you go to earth gates."
"Whats my question?" asked Tolkien.
"Whos the nasty ones who killed Boromir?"
Tolkien thought this was too easy. "Of course it was the orcs."
"WRONG! Tolkienses no good at this game is he my Precious? No, not good at all. He must go down to nasty earth now. Yes, go, go!" hissed Gollum.
Disappointed, Tolkien walked back down the stairs until at the end he came to another set of gates with another guard standing watch. And again Tolkien was taken by surprise when he found Legolas standing and waiting. Remembering what Gollum said about guards, he just had to ask.
"You never did anything wrong to anybody. Why are you a guard?"
"First answer the question. I must tell you that if you dont get it right, youll be sent straight to Hell. Sorry, but thats policy. Who killed Boromir?" he plainly asked.
"Gollum asked me that same question and I got it wrong. Maybe I missed something." Tolkien thought hard and said, "It was the orcs arrows and axes that killed him."
"What?!" Tolkien protested.
"That not exactly what happened. I had a little mishap with my bow, and it just kinda slipped, and well. . .," Legolas got bright red in the face. "Thats not the point. You answered what you did and now youve got to go w! here has been determined. Just follow this road to your right until you reach the next set of gates."
Now Tolkien was really sad. How could that have happened? Too late now he thought. So he walked until he came to the next set of gates and was then getting irritated when he saw Gimli standing by the gate.
"Let me guess," Tolkien started off, "Youre going to ask me Who killed Boromir?."
"Nope," said Gimli. "Youve arrived at your destination!"
Tolkien looked behind the gates where hills and trees prospered throughout the land. This cant be Hell he thought. Seeing the confused look on Tolkiens face, Gimli said, "Seems you only answered half the question correctly."
"What do you mean? Gollum said I was wrong and so did Legolas, so. . ."
"No," said Gimli, "See, thats not exactly what happened. My hair got in my way and I couldnt see behind me and. . .anyway, you got part of the question right, so we cant send you to Hell."
This was too much for poor Tolkien. "Where exactly am I?" he asked.
Gimli smiled and said, "Welcome to MIDDLE-Ea! rth!"