"You are watching that again?" a tall, lean and bald middle-aged man slapped his forehead as the words "Harry Potter" flashed across the screen. "Look, Trinity, this must be the millionth you are watching that thing!"

Trinity flashed Neo a wicked smile. "All right, what other hits do you have to recommend?"

"This!" Out from the towering pile of VCDs and DVDs Neo fished out one with "Star Wars: The Entire Series from I onwards" printed boldly on the cover. Trinity closed her eyes and fell back with a groan. "Not that again!"

"What’s wrong with Star Wars?" Neo barked back in mock injury as he ejects the Harry Potter DVD and places, ever so carefully, into the DVD drive (an antique unto itself) the Star Wars DVD. The familiar, majestic music begins to sound out from the four point speaker surround sound armed with cutting edge sound technology available in the future:

"Wait a sec," Neo frowned as the entire display on the screen became riddled with static and lines. "What’s wrong?"

Trinity gave a short laugh. "Guess your precious DVD has broken at last!"

"No!" Neo screamed as he lunges at the eject button. "No! My precious! Not my precious!" Moaning he examined the DVD and to his surprise the DVD was burning hot.

"Look, what’s this?"

"Nah, what’s what? A crack on your precious DVD, I think," Trinity remarked carelessly as she sat back with a sigh. "So what now? We watched almost every movie made by mankind for the past few months!"

"My precious…" Neo moaned. "My precious!"

"Ah, there is one show that we have not watched yet!" Trinity suddenly beamed. Digging through the entire pile of CDs, she pulled out one that said proudly on its cover "Lord of the Rings I: The Fellowship of the Ring."

"Oh…" Neo brightened up. "Well, well, this is going to be good!"

"Hang on," Trinity acknowledged as she slotted the DVD into the drive. Elvish begins to drift out from the speakers. "This is so cool…"

* * * *

"Go Gandalf go!" Trinity screamed. "Kick Saruman’s ass!"

All of a sudden, the entire screen froze and words in white, gothic fonts appeared on the screen. "Follow the Hobbit."

Neo stared at Trinity. Trinity stared at Neo. Slowly, Neo picked up the remote and punched the play button a few times. Still the words remained frozen there.

"Okay…" Trinity took a deep breath. "This is getting bizarre."

Swearing under his breath, Neo smashed his thumb on the eject button. "Let me take a look…" Neo said as he held up the DVD. "Ouch!" he shouted as he felt burning heat searing through is fingers. "It burns!" and he let go of the DVD.

Trinity immediately grabbed hold to the DVD. Then she held it over to Neo but Neo shrunk back. "Take it," Trinity said, all of a sudden solemn. "It is quite cool."

Neo took the DVD and then gave a gasp. "Do you see what I see?" Trinity nodded then…

"All right, all right," Neo held up his hand. "Strange…there are some fiery letters burnt into the back of the DVD?"

"Huh?" Trinity ceased her chanting and leaned forward. "What does it say?"

Taking a deep breath and Neo chanted.

"Three classical ring tunes for the Elves under the sky,

Suddenly, the door behind swings open. "What are you doing here?" An agitated voice brimming with shock and dismay rang out. Trinity and Neo turned and shrunk back. Morpheus stares back at them, his eyes burning and his face aghast. "What have you been doing?"

Trinity gave an embarrassed smile as she held up the Fellowship of the Rings DVD. "Er, ah, watching movies?"

Morpheus pulled at his non-existent hair with his two hands as he shouted. "Noooo -Noooooooo!"

Neo and Trinity jumped back into their karate stance, wary eyes locked on Morpheus.

"What have you been doing?" Morpheus cried for the third time. "I was uploading some new hack into the Matrix and you have been watching movies with that computer!? Do you have any ideas what you have done?"

Neo looked at Trinity. Trinity looked at Neo. They both looked at Morpheus.

"No idea, sir," Neo said.

The world is black. Dark and quiet, silent and still. And out from the darkness a voice speaks.

VOICE: "The world has changed…"

VOICE: "I feel it in the wind…"

VOICE: "I feel it in the database…"

VOICE: "I feel it in the data stream…"

VOICE: "Data corrupted…Data corrupted…!"

And the voice faded into the darkness.

The day is young and the sky is bright with hale colours. Outside is a hive of activity — shouting children, noisy farmyard animals waking up to the morning:

FARM DOG: "Wulf! Woof!"

FARM CHICKEN: "Ko ko ko kay!"

Carefully guiding a small horse-driven cart across the bridge is a wizened old man dressed in grey, with a cloak of similar colour draped across his shoulder. A long staff craved out from some ancient wood lies in the cart. As the cart turns round a curve, there stands a young chap with curly hairs, bright blue eyes staring.

FRODO: "You are late!"

The old man reaches within his robes and produces a wooden sundial. After taking a quick peep at it, he looks up at Frodo.

GANDALF: "A wizard is never early, nor is he ever late. He arrives precisely on time."

He regards Frodo with a deep steady gaze before they both turn to face the camera.

FRODO AND GANDALF: "Be a Wizard! With the Swatch 25 hours Sundial, you can never be late! Now available at Wart-Mart, for only twenty-five Numenorian coins!"

They two burst into laughter and with a leap, Frodo jumped onto the cart.

FRODO: "You are back!"

GANDALF: "I am back to take care of some…eh, business. So how is Hans Solo that rascal?"

FRODO: "Still the same. It is his birthday today…"

GANDALF: "Ah ha.."

FRODO: "He is planning something special…"

GANDALF: "Ah ha…"

FRODO (impatiently): "All right, keep your secret. But I know that he has been practising SMS on his mobile phone…"

GANDALF (somewhat disturbed): "Oh…"

FRODO: "Well, Gandalf, it is good to see you back!"

Frodo gives Gandalf a winning personality smile and jumps off his cart, waving goodbye. Gandalf looks around, smiling.

GANDALF: "Well, well, I really am glad to back here too. At last…"

Gandalf drives the cart up a luxurious hobbit-hole.

GANDALF: "Well, Hans Solo, I hope you know that your game is up!"

* * *


Music fills the air as the merry making crowd. Chewbacca dances with the others to music of the Cantina band as Wampa in their clumsy dance steps slam into each other.

"Speech! Speech" someone who has eventually got tired of the dancing shouts.

EVERYONE ELSE: "Speech! Speech!"

Waving his hand and giving his friends a smile that he learnt from "How to make alien friends and influence inhuman people" and stands up on a pedestal.

HANS SOLO: "My dear Wampas!"

WAMPAS: "GRROOOOOOWL"

HANS SOLO: "And Chewbaccas!"

CHEWBACCA: "GRROOOOOOOWL GRROOOOOOOOWL"

HANS SOLO: "Ewoks!"

EWOKS: "Yep! Yep!"

HANS SOLO: "And Jar Jar Binks!"

Silence. Only an excited Jar Jar jumps up and down, his long flopping ear twisting here and there.

JAR JAR: "YES! YES!"

EVERYONE ELSE: "BOOOOOOO!"

HANS SOLO: "And everybody else! Today is my…er"

Hans Solo quickly pulls out a piece of paper from his shirt pocket and takes a quick look at it.

HANS SOLO: "My millennium birthday!"

EVERYONE ELSE: "Huh?"

HANS SOLO (swearing to himself): "Oh s…" (suddenly remembering the young children.) "I mean, oh marshmallows!"

Quickly, Hans Solo fumbles around with the note such that he can see what is on it in the dim light.

HAN SOLO: "Ah ha…my millennium falcon’s twenty-first birthday!"

EVERYONE ELSE: "YEAAH!"

Frodo is clapping and cheering with the rest and Gandalf is nodding approval at the back where he is seating. But Hans Solo’s knuckles are turning white. Putting his hands behind his pants, he reaches for a bulge in his pocket.

HANS SOLO: "I ..er…err.." (desperately trying to remember)

Everyone looks with Great Expectation (by Charles Dickens) at Hans Solo as the mercenary goes white in the face. He finally manages to pull out a sleek black Nioka mobile phone.

HANS SOLO: (muttering to himself) "Darn, I forgot my lines!"

However, the silence is getting tense as everyone is waiting for Hans Solo to go on. Finally, Hans Solo makes up his mind.

HANS SOLO: "Er…er…"

The crowd is turning hostile and offensive. They begin to talk among themselves impatiently and are getting restless…

EVERYONE ELSE: "Come on! Come on!"

And Jar Jar suddenly jumps up, his long ears in a motion blur. And he runs toward a horrified Hans Solo, his long tongue coming out. Everybody else shies away from him.

JAR JAR: "Quick! Say what do you want to say! Don’t keep me waiting!"

As the approaching Jar Jar looms closer and closer, Hans Solo cannot take the pressure any more,

HANS SOLO (Screaming, as he punches a key on the black mobile phone): "BEAM ME UP, SCOTTY!"

A sudden pillar of blue light flashes down from the sky above, enveloping Hans Solo in its azure brilliance. A large hum sounds out as Hans Solo disappears within the pillar of light. Jar Jar Binks could not stop in time, trips over his foot and falls into the pedestal.

Everybody else is up and about, screaming and grunting in their inhuman alien languages and voices. Frodo (a hobbit, by the way, if you are still wondering) jumps up and begins to run back. But Jar Jar suddenly pops in front of him

JAR JAR: "Frodo! You better give me an explanation!"

Frodo recoils back in fear and horror as a frantic Jar Jar shakes Frodo back and forth. A hostile crowd of aliens, who has decided that the joke has left a very bad taste within their mouths, are eyeing Frodo as if he will taste better.

FRODO: "No, I don’t know, leave me alone!"

Unnoticed by the crowd of agitated aliens, a boy with long, unkempt hair appears at the edge of the angry crowd. Seeing Frodo being surrounded, he strides in and in a boyish voice shouts out.

BOYISH VOICE: "Leave Mr. Frodo alone! Leave him alone!"

Jar Jar let go of Frodo and turns to the face the newcomer.

JAR JAR: "Who are you!"

The crowd of aliens gets angry and they begin to advance menacingly towards the boy. But the boy, fearless in his stride and with a proud brightness in his eyes, marches forward, scorning the fearsome teeth and claws of his alien enemies. Then suddenly, a western wind from the sea (due to conventional currents) blows in and the fringe of his hair is caught up by the moving air. At this moment, the aliens see a S-like scar on his forehead.

EVERYONE ELSE: "ARGH! NOOOOOOOO! THIS CANNOT BE!"

In one accord, all the aliens scream and run away as far as their leg (or legs) can carry them.

FRODO (with great relief): "Oh Harry! How glad I am that you are here!"

* * *

Hans Solo suddenly rematerialises within Bag Ends. Leaning against the wall and panting hard, he gives a look of utmost gratitude at his sleek black handphone. Then he gives a quick laugh as he pops the mobile back into his pocket and marches into the hall.

GANDALF: "I suppose you think that was very funny!"

HANS SOLO: "I’m sorry! I forgot my lines!"

Gandalf gives an exasperated sigh.

GANDALF: "But that hand phone! You cannot use the hand phone for such a trivial thing!"

HANS SOLO (beaming): "Well, that was fun! Didn’t you see the expression on their face."

Gandalf throws up his hands and shakes his head as Hans Solo retrieves a pack from the table and pops a cylinder-like object into his pocket.

GANDALF: "So you are going ahead with your plan?"

HANS SOLO: "Yes, yes. I am leaving now. Oh what fun it is to see the Elves again! Will you keep an eye on Frodo?"

GANDALF: "Two eyes, along with my contact lenses, as long as I can spare them."

HANS SOLO: "Good, well then. I will be leaving everything behind to Frodo."

GANDALF: "Including the hand phone?"

HANS SOLO (chuckling): "Why, yes, of course! It’s on the mantelpiece over there…"

Gandalf gives a nod and he turns toward the mantelpiece. But suddenly Hans Solo pauses. Gandalf also pauses.

HANS SOLO (Slowly): "No wait…it’s here in my pocket…"

Slowly, deliberately and carefully, Hans Solo pulls out the sleek black handphone from his pocket.

HANS SOLO (Whispering): "Why not…after so long…why not?"

GANDALF: "Hans…you promised that would go to Frodo. Is it that hard to give it up?"

HANS SOLO (Good-naturedly): "Why, no!" (Whispering in a malicious whisper) "…and yes…"

A fanatic glow lights up in Hans Solo eyes as he caresses the handphone.

HANS SOLO (whispering): "It is mine. My own. My precious."

GANDALF (warily): "It has been called that before and not by you."

HANS SOLO (Angrily): "That is my business and none of yours!"

GANDALF: "Now, now, there is no need to be angry!"

HANS SOLO (Hissing): "Well, if I am then it is your fault!"

GANDALF: "Give up the phone, Hans!"

HANS SOLO (Snapping back): "No! You want the phone for yourself, don’t you, Gandalf!"

Gandalf’s eyes take on fire. He straightens up, gaining in height and stature and power and the room begins to darken.

GANDALF (sternly): "Do not talk to me like this! If not, you will soon see Gandalf the Grey uncloaked!"

Hans Solo gives a "Ha" and there is a cocky look in his eyes.

HANS SOLO (mockingly): "Ha, go ahead! Go ahead, I will like to see it!"

With great speed, Gandalf throws of his cloak and there is the sound of ringing steel as the wizard draws out Glamdring. To his utmost shock, the blade is burning azure blue.

GANDALF (deeply shocked): "What madness is this? How come this? Hans?"

Hans Solo give an evil laugh as he reaches within his pocket. There is an electric hum as his lightsaber, red in colour, powers up.

HANS SOLO (in a deep, evil voice): "Old, meddling fool! Don’t you know that I have long been an agent of the Dark Lord, the Emperor! Today you shall die!"

GANDALF (still shocked): "You are a spy for the Dark Lord!?"

HANS SOLO (grinning wickedly): "Yes. It is three weeks ago when a Nazgul informs me of the very nature of the handphone that I possess. I even have kept Frodo in the dark."

Gandalf looks at his sword, then at Hans then at Hans’ lightsaber.

GANDALF (shouting): "Then let the darkness claim thee!"

Quick as lightning, Gandalf aims a powerful strike at Hans. But Hans jump back, parrying the block with ease. But Gandalf falls back and thrusts his staff outward instead and in a great voice, he shouts:

GANDALF: "O lith naur echuiathar aen!"

There is a sudden flare of light and a loud explosion as tongues of fire hiss out from Gandalf’s staff. Sparks of fire showers all over Hans and Gandalf takes the chance to lunge at Hans. At this moment, vocals begin to join the fight.

Hans recover quickly and with great speed parries the Gandalf’s blow. Gandalf jumps back and with a great shout thrust forward, aiming straight at Hans’ hands. Hans dodges to one side but Gandalf is too quick for him. Glamdring nicks Hans’ right hand and the lightsaber drops onto the floor. Hans Solo gives a cry of shock and drops to his knees. He looks as if he has wakened up from a bad dream.

GANDALF: "HANS SOLO! I am here to help you, not to rob you!"

HANS SOLO (sniffling): "O Gandalf! What will become of me if you have not come along! I must leave now! I cannot ward Darth Vader anymore from this phone! Take care of Frodo!"

With this, Hans Solo picks up his lightsaber and quickly heads for the door. But Gandalf jumps in front of Hans, fire still in his eyes and Glamdring bright in his hands.

GANDALF: "The phone."

HANS SOLO (reaching into his pocket): "Here take it!"

GANDALF (recoiling backward and putting both hands up): "No! Do not give it to me!"

HANS SOLO (impatiently): "Oh marshmallows!"

And Hans Solo let the phone drops the floor with a thud. He takes a deep breath, shaking from the withdrawal syndromes but finally he musters a smile. He turns to look at Gandalf

HANS SOLO (smiling pleasantly): "Well, I am finally free! Goodbye Gandalf! Take good care of Frodo!"

Whistling a cheerful tune, Hans Solo strides out into the darkness. The Millennium Falcon stands gleaming bright in the moonlight.

HANS SOLO (getting into the Falcon): "Well, goodbye Gandalf! We may meet again!"

* * *

The door to Bag Ends slowly creeps open. Frodo walks in and there in front of he is a sleek black handphone, its cover cool to behold and its shape, lean and well-formed, a temptation to Frodo. Breathing deeply, Frodo leans over and picks up the phone. Then he turns and sees Gandalf smoking.

FRODO: "Gandalf! You are still here! You better stop smoking, it’s bad for your health!"

GANDALF (muttering to himself): "Lightsaber duels in the dark…" (looking up to Frodo) "Oh, Hans’ handphone. He left everything for you. This handphone too."

Gandalf passes Frodo the deeds to Bag Ends, as himself gets up, grabs his robe and cloak and begins to walk out. Frodo runs in front of Gandalf, wondering.

FRODO: "Where…are you going? What’s wrong?"

GANDALF: "Questions. Questions that needs answering." (Looks at the handphone) "Keep it secret. Keep it safe. Do not use it! Don’t even play Snake on it!"

***


Gandalf rides hard. Many days and nights have passed since he has left the Shire. He needs proof desperately, proof that will prove his wild guesses right. As he draws close to Minas Tirth, he looks toward Mordor. And behold! In the land of the darkness, an artificial moon looms in the sky above. It is the Playstation, fortress, tower and stronghold of the Emperor! Thunder and lighting and fire are brewing there.

GANDALF: "I must hurry! To Minas Tirth!"

***

In the lands of Mordor, where the shadow lies, a huge globe of metallic superstructure hangs like a sentry of death in the bleak night sky. It is a monstrous half-completed Playstation, its massive superstructure curling away from the completed section like the arms of a giant octopus. Beyond, in benevolent contrast, lies the pale white moon. A Red Eye Imperial Memory Card moves overhead toward the massive armoured space station, followed by two zipping TIE emulators. A small Red Eye Memory Card rockets from the main Bay of the ship and hustles toward the Playstation.

 
The shuttle captain makes contact with the Playstation through the inter-com.

SHUTTLE CAPTAIN: Command station, this is ST 321. Code Clearance Blue. We're starting our approach. Deactivate the security shield.

PLAYSTATION CONTROLLER (filtered VO):The security deflector shield will be deactivated when we have confirmation of your code transmission. Stand by... You are clear to proceed.

SHUTTLE CAPTAIN: We're starting our approach.

Operators are moving about among the control panels. A SHIELD OPERATOR hits switches beside a large screen, on which is a display of the Playstation, the moon and a bright web delineating the invisible deflector shield. An Orcish control officer rushes over to the shield operator.

OFFICER: Inform the commander that Lord Vader's memory card has arrived.

OPERATOR: Yes, sir.

The control officer moves to a view port and watches as the Imperial Memory Card lands in the massive docking bay. A squad of stormtroopers moves into formation before the craft.

The Playstation COMMANDER, THE MOUTH OF SAURON, a tall, confident necromancer strides through the assembled Orcs to the base of the shuttle ramp. The Orcs snap to attention; many are uneasy about the new arrival. But the Playstation commander stands arrogantly tall, in his flowing dark robes. A crown of cruel iron rests upon his head. The exit hatch of the shuttle opens with a WHOOSH, revealing only darkness. Then, heavy FOOTSTEPS AND MECHANICAL BREATHING. From this black void appears DARTH VADER, LORD OF THE NAZGUL. Vader looks over the assemblage as he walks down the ramp.

MOUTH OF SAURON: Lord Vader, this is an unexpected pleasure. We're awed by your presence.

VADER: You may dispense with the pleasantries, Commander. I'm here to force you back on schedule.

The commander turns ashen and begins to shake.

MOUTH OF SAURON: I assure you, Lord Vader, my lackeys are working as fast as they can. We are trying our best to force that pathetic creature to blurt out the truth.

VADER: Perhaps I can invent new games to motivate him

MOUTH OF SAURON: I tell you, he will tell us what happen. Everything will be operational as planned.

VADER: The Emperor Sauron does not share your optimistic appraisal of the situation. He wants to know where the Phone is now. And in addition to that, He asks for a new analogue controller too.

MOUTH OF SAURON: But he asks the impossible. I need more lackeys.

VADER: Then perhaps you can tell him when he arrives.

MOUTH OF SAURON (aghast): The Dark Lord — the Emperor’s coming here?

VADER: That is correct, Commander. Do you think the puny comforts of Barad-dur can please he? And he is most displeased with your apparent lack of progress.

MOUTH OF SAURON: We shall double our efforts on the Playstation.

VADER: I hope so, Commander, for your sake. Now, I have ways to make that wretched creature talk

Darth Vader walks into the torture chamber, mechanical hissing and breathing following him. Within the chamber, its four walls a sterile white, there is a projector screen at the front and a seat. Handcuffed to the seat is…Jar Jar Binks.

VADER (facing an operator): "Put…HISS…this in."

Nodding, the operator slots the disc that the Vader has passed to he into the player. At once, the entire room darkens and the projector’s light comes on.

PROJECTOR: "Chu chu rocket…!"

Jar Jar Binks begin to scream and roar in agony.

JAR JAR: "Nooooo! Nooooo!"

VADER: "Pump up the volume. The best is HISS coming."

PROJECTOR: "Good day gentlemen. Someone set us up the bomb. For great justice! All your base are belong to us!"

JAR JAR: "ARGHHHHHH! SHIRE!!!!!!!! BAGGINS!!!!!!!"

The Mouth of Sauron stands amazed. He turns and bows in front Lord Vader.

MOUTH OF SAURON: "Indeed, there is no one who has the wisdom or cunning to match the Emperor Sauron himself!"

* * *

The door creeps open. Frodo peeps into the darkness and gasps. The window has been blown open and loose scraps of paper fly in the air. Something forbidding holds Frodo back. A sudden shadow looms across the window. Frodo jumps back in fright. There is an owl perched at the window, it big, bright eyes glaring towards Frodo. Then it flies away, hooting mournfully into the night.

Sighing, Frodo walks up to the window and leans forward to close it. Then suddenly a hand clutches at his shoulder and spins him around.

HARRY: "Did you see that owl! Did you see that owl?"

Harry’s face is streaking with tears. He holds a letter in his other hand.

FRODO (patting Harry’s shoulder): "I saw the owl, Harry. What’s wrong? You look excited!"

HARRY: "I received a letter from the school!"

FRODO: "What school?"

HARRY: "Hogwarts! The school of magic!"

Frodo embraces and Harry and together they dance together in hall of Bag End.

FRODO: "Let’s go out and celebrate!!"

After hours of feast and celebration, Frodo and Harry parts. Tired, Frodo creeps into Bag End when suddenly a hand clutches on his shoulder and spins him around.

GANDALF: "Is it secret? Is it safe?"

FRODO (impatient): "All right! What’s up? Why is everybody sneaking up behind me?"

GANDALF: "Where’s the phone, Frodo? Where is it?"

FRODO (suddenly realising that something is wrong): "Wait, Gandalf. I’ll go look for it."

Frodo begins to hunt through chest and cupboards but he could not find the phone.

FRODO (muttering): "Where is it? Where is it?"

Gandalf takes a look at the mantelpiece and roars at Frodo.

GANDALF (angrily): "Isn’t the phone at the mantelpiece? Didn’t I tell you to keep it safe?"

FRODO (knowingly): "Ah, Gandalf! Don’t you know that the safest place is always the most dangerous place, and the most dangerous place is the safest place?"

Gandalf glares at Frodo and sighs. He quickly grabs the phone and before Frodo can react, cast it into the fireplace. With a yelp, Frodo lunges forward to take the phone out but Gandalf stops him.

GANDALF: "No, wait!"

After a while, with Frodo anxiously looking at the phone, Gandalf reaches into the fireplace with a pair of tongs and takes out the phone. To Frodo’s surprise, the plastic of the handphone did not melt. It still looks whole and fine. Gandalf gives the handphone to Frodo.

GANDALF: "Take it! It is quite cool."

Frodo takes the phone as Gandalf puts down the tongs and paces away from the fireplace.

GANDALF: "Do you see anything on the handphone."

FRODO: "No, there’s nothing…no! Wait! There are some bars or lines appearing at the back of the handphone! I can’t read it."

GANDALF (sighing): "There are not many who can. It is the language of Mordor and the Playstation, the Bar Code. I shall not utter it here, but in English it says,

GANDALF: "This is the Handphone with the One Ring Tune, Frodo. Sauron only needs this to launch his dreaded Playstation to cover the whole of Middle-Earth in a second darkness. He greatly desires it and all his mind and will are bent on finding it. He must not find it, Frodo!"

Frodo stares at the phone, shocked and dismay. He suddenly grabs the phone, as if his mind is made up.

FRODO: "All right then! I bring it to the technical support tomorrow then! I change the SIM card and keep the SIM card hidden. We never talk about it again…"

Frodo pauses in his stride and turns to look at Frodo.

FRODO (silently): "No one knows it here, right? Gandalf?"

Gandalf looks at Frodo with pity in his eyes. Then suddenly, the phone rings. Thunderstorm begins to cover the sky, wild wind begins to howl and lighting flashes. Dogs outside begin to howl and whimper.

GANDALF (in shock): "Quick, do not answer the phone! Set it to silent mode! Quick!"

With trembling fingers, Frodo keys in the code to silence the phone. Gandalf comes up to Frodo and looks at the Caller ID.

CALLER ID: 1800-MOUTH-OF-SAURON

GANDALF (dismayed): "The Mouth of Sauron! They know where the phone is!"

Then comes a beep. Frodo takes a look at the SMS and begins to feel faint.

SMS: "I know where you are, Baggins of Shire."

FRODO: "Baggins! Shire! This will lead them here!"

A sudden realisation strikes Frodo. Doom is at hand and danger is coming! He has to act fast. Turning to Gandalf, he asks:

FRODO: "What must I do? Will you take the phone?"

Gandalf recoils back in horror and shock. He shakes his head.

GANDALF: "No Frodo! I will not take the phone! I will not use the power of the Phone to do good. For with me, I will only SMS and play Snake all day long!"

FRODO: "Never mind! Take it! I am giving it to you!"

GANDALF (Scrambling away from Frodo on all fours): "You cannot talk to me this way!"

FRODO: "Take it!"

GANDALF (hiding under a chair): "No!"

FRODO: "Take the phone, Gandalf!"

GANDALF (crawling under the table): "No! Frodo! Stop doing this, Frodo!"

FRODO: "Please, I beg you, take the phone!"

GANDALF (crawling out from under the table and hiding behind a couch): "Stop doing this! I cannot take the pressure any more!"

FRODO: "Please, for the Shire’s sake, take the phone!"

Something within Gandalf snaps. With a great yell he jumps up and draws his sword. Glamdring does not turn blue. Frodo backs, falling down.

FRODO (shock): "All right, Gandalf! All right — if you don’t have the phone, I keep it then…there is no need to overreact. But the phone cannot stay here!"

GANDALF (sheathing his sword): "All right, all right, just stop going around tempting people with the phone. It is dangerous!"

FRODO: "But the phone cannot remain here!"

GANDALF (gently): "No, of course, it cannot! You will have to leave the Shire and leave quickly. As for me, I will look for the head of my order. He is both wise and well-versed with the working of telecommunications devices."

Gandalf quickly helps Frodo pack his clothing.

GANDALF: "Stay off the open road. Don’t use the public transport."

FRODO (smiling): "I can trek cross country if I need to."

GANDALF (smiling back): "My dear Frodo! You can learn…" (rustling at the bushes outside of the window) "Get down!"

Seizing his staff, Gandalf strides up to the window and with a quick smash downwards knock his staff into the bush. A yelp is heard. With alacrity, Gandalf reaches into the bushes and drags someone out from the window and into the room and squarely onto the table.

GANDALF (roaring in rage): "HARRY POTTER! What are you doing outside?"

Harry gives a weak smile.

HARRY: "Eavesdropping, sir."

Gandalf is taken back by Harry’s honesty.

GANDALF: "So what have you heard?"

HARRY: "A lot of stuff…something about the phone, the Dark Emperor Sauron and the end of the world."

GANDALF: "Not quite right but you get the gist of it, Mr. Potter. So, what shall I turn you into today?"

HARRY (looking at Frodo): "Mr. Frodo! Help me! Save me! I want to go Hogwarts! Don’t let him turn me into anything unnatural!"

Frodo could not help but laugh for Harry looked really pathetic.

GANDALF: "Nothing unnatural ah? Well, I have thought of a petty use of you…"

* * *

MYSTERIOUS VOICE: Dark and doom hangs over Mount Doom, and the Playstation, dreaded stronghold and fortress of the Emperor Sauron hangs over the sky. It is in this moment of dire need Gandalf the Grey rides to Hogwarts seeking my counsel.

Gandalf, in great haste, rides into Hogwarts. At the entrance of the school, Dumbledore with a rod of black in his hand, a cap of azure blue upon his head and a flowing arcane robe of dark navy blue greets Gandalf.

DUMBLEDORE (cordially): "Gandalf, my old friend."

GANDALF (Bowing his head): "Dumbledore…"