MOON LETTERS : TOOKISH TICKLERS
An Aussie in King Aragorn's Court - Coralie
Am I mad everyone????
I just can't get enough of TTT or LOTR...I've seen TTT 8 times now and am going again tonight...
I think I've fallen in love with Eomer...No Aragorn...No Legolas.....No wait Faramir, No I mean Boromir too.......
AAAAIIIII!!!! I'm a hopeless romantic.
I don't mind sharing with you all my daydreams I have whils't riding the ski lift at Vail...
It is a long ride up you know...and I must pass the time.....
I daydream mostly about being transported into Middle Earth whils't I'm gliding down on my skis through some wonderful open portal (like the way to Narnia...just through a gap in the trees) and suddenly appearing in front of a band of Uruk Hai on the slopes of Caradhras.......I go into full extreme mode and ski like lightning, full bore, all the way down with the orcs giving chase...Of course they can't keep up...and then I do a spectacular jump over the heads of the Fellowship, who go "What the %&*#@?" as I sail over head screaming "Orcs behind!" ...The Uruk Hai then turn up and Aragorn and Co make short work of them as they have been forewarned, by the
magical skiing lady overhead.
A strange sight for Middle Earth eyes.
I then take off my skis and whack a few of them over their heads.....skewer others with my poles.......
Of course the Fellowship don't know what to make of me.....here is this strange woman in their midst dressed in even stranger garb with very strange weapons (skis and poles)....
Gandalf: I think there is some strange magic afoot here!!!!
Boromir: What new devilry is this?????
Sam: Is that Gollum??????
Coralie: I certainly am not Gollum, Samwise Gamgee..... Can't
you see that I'm a girl????? (removing my headband
revealing my blonde, red, brown hair in all its glory!!!)
Frodo: How do you know his name?
Coralie: I know all your names, Master Frodo son of Drogo! (now how
do I know that??????)
Pippin: I rather fancy her coat!!!
Merry: What's she wearing on her eyes??????????
Legolas: Such strange garb.....Perhaps she is of Elven kind, but
I have never seen her like before!!!!
Gimli: Well she certainly made short work of that Orc! That is a
formidable weapon she wields.......even if she is a woman!
Aragorn: Lady, we are forever in your debt...(swoon, swoon)......
But, from whence did you come.....and how?????? (looking up
at the mountain, I just skied down on and then at my gear)
Gandalf: Methinks, that this will be a long tale in the telling.....
but we have no time at present for long explanations....
We have received aid in time unlooked for.....
As strange as you may appear, I sense that there is no evil
in you, and that the Valar have sent you here on winged feet
....perhaps you were mean't to play a part in our quest....
Lady, I think we should welcome you to our Fellowship......
Gimli: What! A woman? Never heard of such a thing!!!!!!
Coralie: Now don't go getting your knickers in a knot
Gimli, Son of Gloin....I have no idea how I got here
myself. Maybe I hit a tree and am dreaming all of this! I
was just minding my own business, cruising down
China Bowl, carving a few turns, when .....Voila!
I ski into a bunch of Uruk Hai. One minute I'm in Vail
....the next thing I'm on the slopes of Caradhras, going
for it hell bent for leather!!!!!!! Making my very own
Warren Miller film!!!! Stone the Crows!!! My poor foofer
valve can't take much more of this mate! What's more....
where I come from...women have had the vote for ages mate
and you should mind your p's and q's in the future.....
Gimli: P's! Q's! Hell bent for leather! Mate! What strange
speech! I'm not even sure this
is a woman Gandalf! No woman has ever dared speak in such
a bold manner before!!!! Hrumpphh!!
Pippin: What's she saying???? Cruising? Voila? Carving turns?????
Merry: I don't know Pip, but it sounds very interesting......
Legolas: Lady, I am very concerned about your poor foofer
valve....We Elves have much knowledge of the healing arts…
Do not worry about the crows.The crebain have flown back
to their master Saruman. There is no need to stone them
For my part, if Mithrandir has invited you to be a part of
our Fellowship, then part of the Fellowship you shall be!
(stern look towards Gimli)
Aragorn: Are you cold M'Lady?
Legolas: ... and never let it be said that the Elves were ungracious
towards a lone woman in the wilderness ...
Aragorn: Never have I seen such bravery and mystery at one time...
You are most welcome Lady...
Boromir: Well spoken Aragorn. The men of Gondor are ever gracious
toward the fairer sex as are the Elves (looking at
Legolas).....but what does the Ring Bearer say?
Frodo: She seems fair and not foul to me....More fair than you
seemed at the Prancing Pony Aragorn, (little wink at Aragorn)
and you came to our aid too unlooked for as she certainly
If Gandalf says the Valar have sent her?.......I would not
disagree with him.
Legolas: (Taking me by the arm) Now Lady, I am very concerned
about your foofer valve....Tell me...where does it
hurt? (double swoon)
Legolas is holding Lady Coralie's hand aka known as the Ski Queen :)
and looking at her anxiously.........
Legolas: Now Lady, you are strange to look upon, but you cannot be so
very different from Men, even though you are a member of the
fairer sex. Tell me about this foofer valve of yours, for I
am wholly unacquainted with it.....pardon my ignorance on
this matter......but is it too delicate to mention??????
Coralie: (Eyes wide...trying desperately not to laugh) Sir Elf,
you are very kind to ask about my foofer valve, but you
need trouble yourself no further on my account.....I was
simply referring to my heart.....
Legolas: (Alarmed) Your Heart! What has it been pierced by an Orc's
arrow....let me see!
Coralie: No! No! Silly. Nice idea though! I mean't I got quite a
shock to find myself suddenly here in Middle Earth! But if you
keep holding my hand and looking at me like a sick puppy, I'll
lay you tens that Cupid will shoot me in the heart instead!!!
Legolas: (Suddenly springing to his feet) Where is this Cupid? He'll
be dead before he can draw arrow from quiver!
The others spin around looking for another Orc (or Cupid) to slay,
Coralie: OMG! It's moments like these you need Minties!
Gandalf: (Eyeing the ski queen from head to toe) Calm yourselves!
There is no danger here that I perceive, but rather a
misunderstanding of sorts. My Lady, it would appear that
not only your sudden arrival, and strange appearance
and weapons have taken us aback, but your speech
also is strange to our ears. Tell me....By what name are you
Coralie: Well I'd really like to say my name was Picabo Street, but
you may call me Coralie if you like.
Legolas: Coralie...It is a melodious name.....Almost Elvish....Are
you sure you're not Elvish?
Coralie: Yes Legolas, I'm sure I'm not Elvish, but I do have a
smattering of blue blood if that counts for
anything, I even may have a bit of convict blood too if I'm
lucky! ...Coralie is French and means prettiness of coral.
(I rather like my name, it was entirely my Mother's idea)
Aragorn: What is coral?
Gandalf: I do believe that coral is a rock from the sea that
possesses many beauteous colours. It is found in the Southron
Coralie: Well, you're partially right Gandalf. Corals are actually tiny
plant like creatures that depend on clean water and sunlight
in order to survive. Coral reefs are actually composed of tiny
organisms called polyps. The skeleton of a polyp is a simple
combination of epidermis and gastroepidermis. This is called a
corallite. There are two types of of corals; perforate (which
consist of porous skeletons) and imperforate (which have solid
skeletons). These corals are typically carnivorous, feeding
on small particles floating in the water...
Coralie: ...They are found in most tropical and sub tropical oceanic
regions of the world and their skeletons form limestone when
they die...but you are quite correct Gandalf, to say that they are
beautiful to look upon.
Sam: Carnivorous plants! Skeletons! I told you she had something
to do with Orcs. I don't like this one bit Mr. Frodo!
Frodo: Does this creature move and what does it look like?
Coralie: No Frodo. It does not move save to sway in the ocean's
currents.It is more like a flower I guess. A flower that
grows in the sea.
Legolas: Lady, this is very intriguing......
Samwise: She said she has a smattering of blue blood...See! I
tell you she has something to do with the orcs!
Frodo: Hush now Sam! Gandalf seems to approve of her, and that's
alright with me.
Aragorn: What does this blue blood mean Lady?
Coralie: Listen Aragorn. If we're going to knock around with each
other then you should call be by my name and not by 'Lady"
even though I must admit that I rather like the sound of it.
Blue blood means that I'm descended from royalty. My great,
great grandfather was a French Count, a grandson of king
Louis the XIV of France (Born on the wrong side of the sheets
if you get my meaning). Although I am a sixth generation
Australian which means I probably have a spot of convict in me
The hobbits look at the ski queen dumbfounded.
Merry: Where is France?
Pippin: What's an Australian?
Sam: Convict...doesn't sound too good to me!
Coralie: An Australian is a bloody good sort, that's what! And France
is a country in Europe, wherever the hell that may be at
the moment. Actually Middle Earth could be Old Europe in
ancient times come to think of it? How come you can
understand me?????? We seem to speak the same language...
Boromir and Gimli raise their eyebrows at each other. Gandalf nods
Aragorn: Then indeed, you are a Lady, Coralie...(he stoops to one knee
taking her hand in his, kissing her Marmot Ultimate Women's Ski gloved
hand)...And I can assure you that I would never knock you about.....
Coralie: Oh my heart be still! (she drops in a mock faint to the
Coralie: Don't get your knickers in a twist now! I'm perfectly
alright. All this testosterone is making me light headed!
Boromir: (with wine skin in hand) Here Lady. I see you are in need of
Coralie: Thanks. My throat was drier than a bull's bum going up a hill
Gimli: BBBAAAWWWAAAAHHHHAAAA! She may be alright after all!
Merry: (giggling) What a thing to say!
Coralie: Call it my royal prerogative! Hang around some more with me
and your ears will burn!
Pippin: What's testosterone?
Coralie: Never mind!
Gandalf: Well Lady, er, Coralie, since that is what you would have us
call you...What is this Australia that you speak of?
Coralie: Well, I come from Australia, otherwise known as the Land of
Oz, or the Great Southern Land, or Land of the Southern Cross
and ...I think I'm from the future!
Sam: See, she's a Southron! Why should we trust her!!!!
Gandalf: Samwise Gamgee! This is some other land that this Lady refers to. Have you ever
seen a Southron? They are dark,
with dark hair and eyes. Does she look dark to you? What
colour is her hair?
Sam: ..... Well I can't really tell. She has stripes of
gold and red and brown....It's not natural and no mistake!
Coralie: Honey, I'll have you know that I paid a good deal of money
to my hairdresser to make my hair look natural thank
you very much...it was done with foils and is the
latest fashion where I come from.
Sam: Foils! I've never heard of hair being done with swords before...
Legolas: Come Sam. This is no way for a hobbit of the Shire
to talk to a Lady. Besides, I think her hair is
interesting to look at. It is short, but pretty
Gimli: Well said elf!
Coralie: Why thank you. I think that was a compliment of sorts.
Frodo: (scowling a bit at Sam) Coralie, I think your hair is nice
even though I don't understand how it could be done with
swords, or foils as you put them. But come. Let us see your
eyes, so we may know if you speak the truth or not. What
is this strange covering you have upon them?
Coralie: (removing her sunnies) Why certainly Frodo. Here ya go mate.
They are called sunnies or sunglasses. They are made to
protect your eyes from the sun. Especially up here in the
snow. Snow blindness can be a pain in the arse! Try them on
if you like...they won't bite!
Merry: She has blue eyes!
Coralie: Yes...Just like most of you in the Fellowship...so I should fit
Sam: My eyes are green!
Gandalf: That's because you're the jealous type, Samwise Gamgee!
Sam looks very embarrassed by this little home truth.
Frodo handles the sunglasses gingerly in his hands. He puts them on.
Frodo: Oh My! Everything looks clear but dim. I can't
Coralie: Hey Frodo! You look pretty cool mate!
Aragorn: Cool? This is the 2nd time you have mentioned you were cold. Yes night is coming
on....May I suggest that we seek some shelter ere nightfall? I would very much like
to converse with this lady further, but we must not stay in
the open much longer. Tell me Coralie. Were there any other
orcs you spied on the mountain other than the ones slain here?
Coralie: They were the only ones I saw, and they scared the heck out
of me as it was.
Gandalf: Aragorn is right. We cannot linger here much longer. We have
a long way to go off this mountain. Let us make for those
trees down below and make camp. Then we can talk some more
about your strange comings and goings Coralie. I would like to
find out more about you and your homeland and what you know
of our quest...
Coralie: I know more than you realize Gandalf, but somehow I seem to
be forgetting as well. I know all of your names, and
something of your quest, but everything else is very faint.
I don't understand...
Gandalf: I think I do. Now let us make for those trees whils't there
is still light.
Coralie: (recovering her skis and poles)
I can ski down if you like and check it out. I wouldn't mind
carving some fresh powder!
Gandalf: If that is what you were doing with those long poles on your
feet, that would be a new thing to see. Most amusing and I've
had little to amuse me of late. But I fear for your safety
We do not know what may be down there.
Legolas: Gandalf is right Lady. You cannot go alone and unescorted.
I will accompany you.
Coralie: How can you do that? I've only got one pair of skis here
and I don't reckon I can carry you.
Legolas: I am of Elven kind and tread lightly upon this earth. I would
like to experience this skiing. It is a new thing to me and
I could use some amusement too. However brief.
Aragorn: Legolas is right. You cannot go alone.
Coralie: Okay Legolas. How are we going to do this then?
Legolas: I will stand behind you if you permit?
Coralie puts on her skis and takes her poles in hand. The Fellowship
look on in wonder as she picks up her Northface Chilkats backpack,
slinging it over her shoulder:
Coralie: Climb aboard Legolas...this is going
to be interesting. Never had a passenger before. I can see
a face plant coming on.
Aragorn: Legolas. See those trees down there...Scout them out, but
be on guard.
Legolas: ( Stepping on the skis from behind and placing his hands
around Coralie's waist)...With your permission M'Lady?
Coralie: OMG! I think I've died and gone to heaven!
Glossary of Australian Terms:
(In other words, A translation)
Full Bore: Pretty fast...flat out actually!
Knickers in a knot/twist: get upset
Hell bent for leather: Pretty fast again!
P's & Q's: manners
Stone the crows!: Expression of surprise/wonder/amazement
Foofer Valve: An undesignated part of the body or some machine
Or engine that is prone to breaking down
Lay you tens: Wager with someone
Knock around with: Hang out with...
Good sort: attractive/likeable/honest